Looking Back So I Can Move Ahead

( a page from my personal sketch book circa.1990)

I was reflecting on my art work, or lack of it, over the past.. *cough*... 20 years. My portfolio is, well, non existent and I have nothing to show in the way of weavings, oil paintings or even photography. All I have is my sketch books, which are, well, just that, sketches, ideas, doodles, and misc. projects from over the last 20 years. So, I decided to go back in time and rethink these designs and see what I could do with them in the here and now.

Behold, the seashell you see above. This was originally going to be used for a wrapping paper design (when I was trying to put together a portfolio of design plates for Hallmark, yes, Hallmark Greetings.)

If I can decipher my own notes, I think it was supposed to be for a bag design. I was looking at it this morning over a cup of coffee and thought, this would be incredible as an oil painting. Then I sighed, remembering that I no longer have any of my oil paints, brushes or even canvases to work with. It made me feel melancholy, "Rats." I said and shoved the book away from me.

Somehow though, that seashell keeps beckoning to me. I keep looking at it and thinking about how beautiful it would look against a washed cream background in oil paints. It wants me to paint it. I need to paint it. I feel like if I don't, I will be haunted by it. Like it will mock me like the Tell Tale Heart, "See? I am another beautifully inspired idea, never fullfilled, never to see completion, kat. Paint me."

I want to, but no paints, no canvas. So, it must wait until ... until I can. Money is tight right now, and anything extra, is having to go towards braces and all of the other everyday things a parent's money goes to. Not complaining about taking care of my family, just, "le sigh", it would be lovely to be able to whip out my paints and create.

The brighter part of creating a new portfolio for myself, is the little issue of photographs. I use to have to take the old PENTAX, several rolls of color film, photograph everything and take it to a photo lab and have the pics made into slides. AH, but NOW, with the age of digital cameras, desk top processing and POWER POINT, you can totally have everything done, right in your own home, for just your time. You can email galleries your art work, send cd's or dvd's of your work, or do a power point presentation. It is absolutely heaven! My digital cam finally gave up, but my daughter got one for her birthday and you can actually change the pixels, so you can have the highest quality pictures available. This will keep documenting my paintings so very easy for me.

For now, housework is calling to me and I have things to do. Stay tuned for more sneak peeks into my personal sketch book. It is a very intimate thing to me and to actually show it publically is huge. You won't see everything but you will get to glimpse into my inner thinkings and inspirations.

my thought for today is, you can't redo the past, but you can learn from it.

kat